Studying
by dylon
Summary: Melanie's observations as she watches Ginny study. I'm playing around with the idea of developing this into an actual story.
1. Chapter 1

I look up at you for what is probably the third time in the last five minutes. Your head is tilted to the side, your cheek resting on your on cupped hand. Do you know that you pout when you're studying? It's freakin adorable. You get that little crease between your eyes above the bridge of your nose and you stick out your bottom lip, just a little bit.

Every time I look up at you, my heart beats a little faster. I actually want you to catch me looking at you. I want you to ask "what?" so I can tell you that you're cute. I mean, I won't. Of course I won't. I'll stumble and say something Melanie-like. Maybe, "Can we get food? My stomach is eating itself" or "God, I'm so bored, I'd rather stare at you studying than actually study. Hey, maybe I can absorb your knowledge through willful telepathic osmosis."

… Whoa, that was actually kind of clever. Alright, I'm going to say that. I think it'll impress you. Now I have a reason to stare until you look up. It doesn't take long. You look up at me, all doe-eyed and suddenly self-conscious.

"What?" you ask.

"You're cute." Shit...


	2. Chapter 2

_Welp, after tonight's immensely disappointing episode, I decided to continue the story to try and make myself feel better. Seriously, I sat through that damn hour looking like grumpy cat. I am disappoint._

_It kind of gave me some good ideas for where to take this darn thing._

Okay, so!

The whole "You're Cute" fiasco? Not much of a fiasco. I was so shocked about accidentally saying it out loud; I just stared at her completely deadpan. Ginny barely even raised an eyebrow. She turned right back to her chem book.

Is it weird that I feel insulted? I know we're supposed to be close, but that was odd even for me. I don't go around talking about how attractive people are very often. You don't find me giving out compliments all willy-nilly… Alright, besides the "hot unicorns" comment about Frankie and Cozette. But still!

Ever since I missed Faye Mendelson's bridal shoot, things have been crappy. I thought that her not coming to my derby game would make us even. It kind of made me understand how she must have felt. I just wanted her to be there, to see her cheering for me. I just want to see her and for her to see me.

Sure, Boo was there, so that made it better. She's awesome…

And Cozette! Man, she was so excited when my first round was over. She ran over and hugged me. Kissed me on the cheek too… That was kind of nice. And a little confusing. That was the one point during the night that I was glad Ginny wasn't there. For some reason, Cozette seems to piss her off to no end. Because of Frankie, maybe? Ugh, my head hurts.

I don't know why I'm wasting time even thinking about it at this point. Ginny likes Frankie. She practically swoons if he so much as farts in her direction.

Okay, I'm mildly in love with my best friend. But I haven't said it out loud yet. As long as I don't pull another "you're cute," I'll be fine.

Done! Not real! I am not in love with my best friend! I am not in love with Ginny! Nope, not in love. Not in love with Ginny. Not in love with Gin-nay.

God damn it…


	3. Chapter 3

**_Alright y'all. I came up with this idea shortly after the episode before last aired. The way I see it, they cut away when Dez asked Melanie "why not" and we never got to hear her answer. I know I'm grasping at straws with this one._**

**_It was actually themoronscribe who gave me the idea, though. They made a tumblr post that might have said something like -_**

**_"OMG SHE'S GAYYYYY! THAT'S WHY NOT."_**

**_Anywho, themoronscribe, I dedicate this chapter to you for saying what everyone was thinking._**

"Why not?" He asked again.

"Why not? Why not?! Jesus Dez, when a girl says no, why can't you take it at face value? I don't want to go out with you!" I was struggling to not to start crying. I knew perfectly well why I wouldn't (why I couldn't) go out with him.

"Why are you so angry?" He asked. He spoke in his slow stoner manner. It never occurred to me how annoying I found his speech until now. Before I just didn't care. He wasn't even on my radar. I could feel my face burning, tears threatening to spill.

"Because!" I nearly shouted at him. "Because I don't want to be with you. I can't talk to you about this."

"Why?" He pressed on.

"Dez, we're not friends. I don't know you. Not really. I can't even talk to any of my real friends about this!" And with that horrible revelation…

"About what? You can tell me. Even if it's a secret, I won't tell anyone. I won't tell Charlie."

Hah! Like that serves as any incentive. But I can feel myself starting to lose resolve. I think I just need to talk to someone, anyone, about how I am feeling. "Dez…"

"You can tell me." He repeated.

"I'm in love with someone." I confessed. There it was. I finally said it out loud. I didn't say Ginny's name, but I have officially said it out loud. It was real.

"Oh." He looked down at his feet.

"Yeah…" I trailed off, still trying to blink back tears.

"Well, that's okay. You should be with them then." He said, His tone did little to mask his disappointment. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked at the caged dog next to us.

"That's never going to happen." I huffed.

"Why not?" He asked, for what seems like the fiftieth time.

"Because she doesn't see me that way." Shit, I said "she". I said "She"! God damn it son of a bitch mother fu-

"Does that mean you're a lesbian?" He still wouldn't look at me. His brow crinkled in thought and he seemed to be nodding to himself.

I sighed, "I don't know what it means, really." I felt deflated.

"Okay." he relented

"Okay?" That's it? Really?

"Yeah, okay," He started, "It's cool, you know. Not that you're a lesbian, but that you told me why you don't want to go out with me. I mean, its cool if you are a lesbian," He paused, "I'm just saying that I'm glad you told me. And we could be friends. I won't bug ya about going out again or anything."

I tried to smile at him. Everything about him was so… pitiful. I know that going out with him wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Hell, it would be easier if I could just like him. If only it were easy.

"Are you going to tell her?" He asked. So many questions, this boy...

"Probably not. And don't ask my why not. I already know why. She likes Frankie. Hell, she's practically obsessed with him. And even if she wasn't interested in anyone else right now, I just don't think she would ever be interested in me." I replied. "In that way." I added for clarification.

"That's rough." He said softly.

I couldn't think of anything to say. I just looked at him. He seemed genuinely concerned. It was weird, seeing Dez as an actual person. I've only ever seen him as an extension of Charlie. Hah, reason number eight three of why I could never be romantically interested in him.

"I'm sorry, Melanie." The corners of his mouth twitched into an apologetic smile. He reached out and put his hand on my shoulder. I instantly put my hand over his. The tears were falling freely now.

We only stood there like that for about a minute before the noise of the surrounding commotion pervaded our senses. Suddenly, we weren't two just people alone with a couple of caged dogs. There were about a hundred other people buzzing around in the adjacent room.

"I should probably go back inside. I need to take more pictures before I lose all of the good ambient light." I said as I wiped my eyes. "And I don't want to have to turn the flash back on." I added the last bit with a smile.

He smiled back. A real smile this time. It slowly faded into a slightly melancholy expression. "I'll see you around?" He asked tentavely.

"Of course! I mean, still we have the same lunch period." I hoped that the hint wouldn't go unnoticed. It would be nice to have a friend to talk to at lunch while everyone else was preoccupied with other things, with other people.

"Cool. Hey Melanie?" He called as I started to walk inside.

"Yeah?" I turned back to him.

"I would tell her. I mean, I wouldn't keep it inside. Even if she can't reciprocate your feelings, it's still better to know."

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Terrible!" He sounded exasperated. "And fantastic."

I started to walk away again. Then the idea struck me. I turned around.

"Hey Dez?"

He looked up from the cage he had stepped towards as I started walking away. A dog was licking the tips of his fingers that were resting between the gaps of the metal bars.

I snapped his picture. It was a pretty good one. The light was okay and it was obviously spur of the moment, but it was good. Candid. I looked down at the screen to inspect my gains. In the picture, his eyebrows were raised in that reflexive way when you hear someone call your name that you're genuinely interested in responding to.

"Perfect."

"I hope you get her, Mel." He said, His smile was kind of radiant and I felt imbued with a newfound confidence.

I spun around and tried to shrug off some of the tension as I walked back into the studio. I immediately spotted Ginny gesturing emphatically to Sasha and Boo.


End file.
